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Humans evolved with two hands and two brain hemispheres.
The left hand is connected to the right brain hemisphere and the right hand is connected to the left hemisphere. This was thought to be an effective 'design' that helped humans survive, invent and use tools, and advance technologically.
But there was a flaw in that design.
Like the chimpanzees and apes of today, our early ancestors were about 50% right handed and 50% left handed. In the last few million years we became increasingly right handed and for the last 100,000 years or so humans have been about 90% right handed.
Sex on the wrong brain.
Sowb is caused when right-handed masturbation burns in neural patterns that divert impatient satisfaction-demanding reproductive impulses to brain functions that require patience and objectivity.
In times of conflict sowb symptoms such as fear, suspicion, selfishness, and intolerance could prevail over curiosity, creativity, empathy, and cooperation. Slight variations in brain structure and function that favored particular or general sowb symptoms were inherited and compounded over thousands of generations.
It got worse as populations grew and advanced and it became necessary to delay the age of reproduction. Frustration increased and sex on the wrong brain increased.
Sex on the wrong brain societies developed authoritarian social structures and belief systems that cultivated sowb symptoms for short term survival value and competitive advantage and used sexual repression to increase sowb levels, prevent its diagnosis, and hide the simple cure.
While democratic societies have sometimes been able to reduce sowb-based authoritarianism by suppressing and regulating some of sowb’s negative symptoms, unregulated capitalism and authoritarianism now threaten to destroy Earth.
Regulating sowb symptoms is no longer enough. Humans need to address the root cause of sex on the wrong brain.
An advanced case of Sex On The Wrong Brain, destroyer of millions of worlds, has been discovered on a remote planet called Earth.
When Lulu Lopez finds the key to Earth’s survival she knows exactly what to do and soon she’s on the run and up to her ears in sex zombies, alien hunters, and the king of talk radio, her nemesis since the third grade. Unless she can stop him he’ll be the next president. But even with her new alien supertool it won’t be easy - he’s convinced half the country Lulu’s the witch who’s causing the world-wide epidemic of nose and elbow mutations and it’s time for a public exorcism.
Meanwhile, with global warming getting bad fast, an intergalactic maintenance man struggles to find the ancient alien 'transmitter' that will reestablish true human nature and end thousands of years of greed, war, and environmental destruction. He'll take help from anyone, from prairie dogs to the Pope, but he and Earth are running out of time.
What he really needs is a date with Lulu
“I like ‘Sex On the Wrong Brain’ a lot. If you like Douglas Adams and don’t mind a few ‘smutty’ bits, you will enjoy this book.”
Simon Barrett of Bloggernews.net
Common symptoms of
THE WRONG BRAIN:
Spoody grabbed the nazdard and inspected it. He saw the symbol.
"A pyramid. Oh shit."
"First zombies, and now pyramids. You're a lot of help."
For the first time in her life Lulu felt like she was getting what older people called being
"No. THE pyramid. You got the Illuminati on your ass. This is a weapon. They probably
use these to activate the zombie stage. They want it bad and we've got it."
"I've got it."
"With the Illuminati you'll need all the help you can get."
"Next it'll be aliens."
"You're right. Thanks for reminding me. You hear about the saucer that went over the other night? Came down east of here. This thing is weird. How do you turn it on?”
Yayo could see Bradley tap his head on the steering wheel a few times before he got out. As he walked toward the truck the dust cloud they raised blew by. Bradley slapped it away with his hat and looked in on Yayo. He recoiled when he saw the ear.
"You were driving too fast," he said, finally.
"My safety is not important."
Bradley couldn't stop glancing at the ear.
Yayo stared back. Yayo thought about asking him nicely to take the dark glasses off so that he could see his eyes.
"I need to speak with the authoritarians," said Yayo.
"What a racket," said Ord. He stared at the vornak orb for a moment and shook his head. "I can't sell this to the president. Hey, Mr. President, we need a blank check because if we don't stop these aliens..."
"Tell the president this," said Porgo. "If the aliens succeed, nature’s uncertainty will stimulate imagination instead of fear, dormant brain functions will awaken, and Earth's traditional power structures will collapse.”
“Sounds like a bunch of new age mumbo jumbo,” said Spacklewass.
“And women will be equal with men,” added Porgo.
"That should get his attention," said Ord.
Porgo took the wheel as Spacklewass removed the tongue clamp and mask from Lulu's face.
Her tongue wasn't working right. She sucked on it, seething. "Aaaathohhhh....."
"We got off to a bad start didn't we?" said Spacklewass.
"Captain Porgo here will be doing your exorcism today."
"Hello, my child."
"I'm thweny athhole. Nithe thugking hatth."
The rack creaked as Porgo took up slack. The gears locked with a click that was amplified