“Sex On the Wrong Brain” by Ard Falten, weaves sowb symptoms and implications into science fiction comedy.


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Sex on the wrong brain, or sowb, is what happens when impatient satisfaction-demanding sex energy fuels brain functions that require patience and objectivity.


Sowb is caused by masturbation with the right hand, which is connected to the left brain hemisphere. Motion of the right hand is controlled by and can stimulate activity in the left hemisphere. By default, most humans in modern developed societies have their first sexual experiences with the wrong hand. Continued sex with the right hand can program long lasting neural pathways that may continue to divert sex energy to the left brain long after real sex.


Sowb stimulates neural circuitry that increases fear, rewards conformity, and inhibits creativity. It has been normalized in most modern human societies and is often wrongly referred to as ‘human nature’.


The most important factor increasing individual levels of sowb may be left brain dominance and lack of right brain use.



Democratic forms of organization can counter authoritarianism and other negative symptoms of sowb but are often thwarted before large scale implementation of the simple sex education lesson that can end large scale sex on the wrong brain.


Sex on the wrong brain offered survival benefits in times of scarcity and conflict and may explain right handed dominance in humans. Now, however, it threatens the planet with greed and authoritarianism.



Certainty Deficit Disorder (CDD)


Impatient satisfaction-demanding reproductive impulses create a need for certainty that can supersede fact or reality. Certainty ends thinking and brings ‘satisfaction’ through closure, finality, and premature conclusion. The irrational need for non-existent certainty requires avoidance of natural ever-present uncertainty which increases stress and fear and motivates a wide range of short and long-term coping strategies, such as denial and authoritarianism (see below).


Humans may cultivate thought patterns that reward lying and denial in order to create certainty and reduce uncertainty. Certainty can become more important than truth.


Researchers studying 50 years of psychological profiles of conservatives identified 'avoidance of uncertainty' as a defining motivation ( Political Conservatism As Motivated Social Cognition, Jost, J.T., et al, 2003, May, American Psychological Association's Psychological Bulletin). Authoritarianism is sometimes measured with the Uncertainty Avoidance Index, or UAI.



Greed, objectification, materialism, and 'free market' capitalism


Definitions of "greed" commonly begin with “desire for.....”


With sowb, potent energy that’s meant to fuel love and desire for a mate can interfere with brain functions involved in counting, quantifying, measuring, classifying, comparing, and putting things in order. That can cause obsession for objects and greed for more, bigger, and faster. Satisfaction, pleasure, and beauty may be measured in numbers, dollars, and inches.


Unregulated 'free market' capitalism is a sowb-based strategy for reducing uncertainty while satisfying greed. It replaces thinking and responsibility with 'market demand'. 'Market demand' can be used to replace democratically determined regulation with monopolistic greed and authoritarianism.



Along with differences in sexual organs there are mechanical differences in hand, finger, and arm motion motion and technique for masturbation. Those differences will effect the degree of connection between the hand and brain, brain components involved, neural associations, and degree of activity. Use of a vibrator could reinforce and complicate hand-brain connections.


Females would also be more likely to involve both hands or try the non-dominant left hand.


Such differences might help explain evolution of gender differences in brain function and organization, as well as the timing of laterality in brain development observed in humans passing through adolescence and into adulthood.



Misogyny, patriarchy


Lower sowb levels in females may be perceived as threatening sources of uncertainty that need to be controled. Long term general differences in sowb levels between genders has resulted in institutionalized misogyny and patriarchy.



Anthropologists believe early human ancestors started out about 50-50 right and left handed, like the chimps and apes of today, but have had little success explaining why humans became increasingly right handed. Eventually about 100,000 years ago humans settled into about 90% right handed.


Right handedness is sometimes attributed to tool-making and language development but sex on the wrong brain has been part of human evolution for millions of years before those developments might have become relevant and may offer anthropologists and handedness researchers a better explanation.


Millions of years ago:


Life was short and reproduction began early. Low levels of masturbation and sowb. Sowb levels would eventually increase in areas of higher population densities and natural fluctuations in resources. Right handedness would gradually increase.


Hundreds of thousands of years ago:


Longer life, higher population densities, and more conflict over resources.  Sowb symptoms like greed, fear, intolerance, and authoritarianism increasingly won over curiosity, community, and democratic cooperation. Sowb accelerated as our ancestors progressively began to delay the age of reproduction. Sowb eventually becomes ‘human nature’ and normalized as left handed humans were increasingly ostracized and the proportion of right handed handed humans reaches a 90% dominance about 100,000 years ago.


The last few thousand years:


Longer life, more right handed masturbation and more sowb. Sex on the wrong brain became an increasingly dominant part of the long-lasting authoritarian civilizations which, by default and/or design, created social structures to enforce sexual repression and increase frustration. Populations and cultures could select for particular sowb symptoms that were advantageous for a particular situation or environment, such as for building armies.


So-called civilized ‘Old World’ populations with centuries of sexual repression and frustration might be expected to have more sowb symptoms than ‘New World’ populations and their descendants today. Are differences in cultural attitudes toward nature, uncertainty, and greed apparent in brain function or structure consistent with more vs less sex on the wrong brain?



The last hundred years:


Democratic forms of social organization help growing populations reduce and regulate sowb symptoms like authoritarianism and greed. However, while humans have had some success in delaying reproduction to control population and limit resource depletion, increased affluence allows more privacy and opportunity for masturbation. The problem is exacerbated by access to mass produced sources of sexual stimulation and use of sexual stimulation for commercial purposes.


Sowb genes?


Geographical, environmental, and cultural preferences for particular sowb symptoms may manifest as inherited characteristics in brain structure and function.

Need for/dependence on













Motivates avoidance of














Symptoms include













sexual dysfunction

low empathy

low imagination

Response: Certainty creation and uncertainty avoidance through

























Long-term response

















More on certainty deficit disorder, CDD


The irrational need for certainty, or need to avoid uncertainty, may be the most serious problem caused by sex on the wrong brain.

When the brain analyzes and solves problems it's not supposed to crave satisfaction. It’s supposed to be logical and objective when it measures and compares and patient and fair when it judges its options.

Sex energy adds frustration and urgency to those brain functions and satisfaction comes from being certain. The feeling of finality it brings may become more satisfying than the truth.

The inability to avoid general or particular uncertainties, such as unexplainable and uncontrollable aspects of nature, may create insecurity, stress, and fear. In order to avoid sources of uncertainty the left brain becomes more and more selective, limiting information and options and undermining objectivity. Input from the creative right brain is reduced, limiting the curiosity, intelligence, and wisdom of the whole brain.

Humans have developed belief systems to create certainty as well as control and reduce uncertainty. They are used to simplify the complex and bring order to chaos. Binary value structures are used to apply certainty to uncertain and chaotic aspects of life. They strive to provide order, control, and a predictable framework in which to find certainty. They offer opportunities for conformity and subjective correctness and a ready supply of reassuring answers. Being part of a larger group that can constantly judge the world with certitude in absolute terms of good/evil, black/white, winner/loser, and yes/no can be deeply comforting for those with a lot of  sowb.

To protect the dominant value structures and the artificial certainty they provide anything that doesn’t fit or can’t be controlled may be attacked or ignored. Extreme levels of denial, hypocrisy, and injustice are possible.


Symptoms of moderate and severe sex on the wrong brain include an obsessive need to be correct, hypersensitivity to criticism, and fear of individuality, diversity, and creativity. Relative value systems that threaten certainty with uncertainty represent a constant source of frustration. Control and order may become obsessions. Worshiping and repeating known but painful pasts is preferable to change and exploration of new and uncertain futures. Levels of artificial certainty may be developed to allow snap decisions with no thought for consequences. Within sex on the wrong brain value structures, rigid left brain intelligence that favors memory of detail is promoted even if it develops in parallel with a proportional lack of objectivity and wisdom.

Self destructing empires. In populations suffering high levels of sowb the collective need for certainty may override important survival considerations when choosing or tolerating leaders and futures. Leaders or ruling groups may be worshipped for the high levels of certitude they project while comparable levels of incompetence, hypocrisy, and cruelty in the same rulers are ignored. Rulers may supply certitude like a drug, using uncertainty and fear to increase its value.






Humans evolved with natural weather uncertainty. Clothing, caves, and living structures help us reduce some of that uncertainty. For many humans the certainty of denying global warming is easier than facing the uncertainties represented by complex solutions and changing predictions. 






When sex goes wrong. The more sex energy that is diverted to the left brain the less there is for sexual pleasure and orgasm in the right brain, especially as overall quantities decline with age.

If the left brain is using large proportions of the available sex energy an isolated right brain may have difficulty getting and storing the amounts needed for sex drive and orgasm. People suffering sex on the wrong brain may routinely and unknowingly use brain switching mechanisms to transfer sex energy to the right brain when needed.

One common type of switching mechanism involves entering or creating a stressful or emotional situation to stimulate the underused right brain. Switching mechanisms vary widely and may involve irrational, risky, or bizarre behavior, ceremonies and rituals, pain, fear, and hate and may have very little obvious connection with sex. They can be used to transfer energy all at once for an immediate rush of satisfaction, or more gradually in smaller amounts. Long-lasting irrational hatred, for example, may be quite satisfying for sex on the wrong brain. Some left brain dominant people can become dependent on switching mechanisms and use them regularly during the day. A variety of chemicals are also used for switching.

Sex and violence. Combining sex and imagined, threatened, or actual physical violence with willing or unwilling partners may be a common way to trigger the emotions necessary to transfer sex energy to the right brain for pleasure. Satisfaction may be proportional to the intensity of the emotions created and the amount of sex energy transfered.

Factors influencing sowb levels include:

  • degree of left brain dominance, use of right brain
  • gender
  • early sexual experience (establishing neural patterns)
  • libido
  • frustration
  • sexual repression/freedom
  • levels of titillation (ie. sex in advertising, access to pornography)
  • access to privacy and leisure time (often increases with affluence)
  • heredity, genetic susceptibility (explained later)
  • socially enforced neural patterns and associations used to foster sowb-based value structures.

Miscellaneous topics for research


Is sex on the wrong brain a major cause of mental stress?


Studies suggest in western countries 9 out of 10 males and 8 out of 10 females have 'experimented' with masturbation.

Do abstinence programs promote sex on the wrong brain?

A society with a dominant economic structure that sexually stimulates its citizenry constantly to sell its products while at the same time shunning sex with its dominant moral value structures may be suffering widespread sowb. Are these mechanisms the causes or consequences of sex on the wrong brain? Do they create a sex on the wrong brain cycle that feeds itself and gets worse and worse?

The Koran says that men can only have sex with their wives and "that which the right hand possesses", which scholars interpret to mean slaves and captives. But how many people can afford slaves and captives? And who wants them?

What proportion of women use two hands at once? Are women more likely to try the left hand and continue? Do the vibrations of a vibrator, held in the right hand, make the connection to the left brain even stronger? Do some right handed women divert a greater proportion of their sex energy to the left brain because they use a higher degree of manual dexterity than men? Does sex on the wrong brain help explain 'orgasm difficulties' with women? What about impotence or premature ejaculation in men?

Recent work by Gert Holstege (2005) studying brain activity during sexual arousal and orgasm needs analysis with sex on the wrong brain in mind.

A disproportionate number of left handed people are known for their creativity.  There is some indication that in some left handed people, left and right brain generalities are reversed.


What about pimples and acne?



Is there a cure for sex on the wrong brain?


Masturbation can start early and needs to be part of standard sex education.

More research is needed. You might be able to reroute unwanted established channels by switching hands. Use your right brain more, even in what are considered to be left brained only activities. Get creative.

Some ancient disciplines such as tantric yoga can be used to control sexual energy and specialists in those fields may be more help than the traditionally trained western professionals. Deep relaxation might help open connections between left brain and right brain and reduce some symptoms.





Most brain functions utilize both hemispheres of the brain but often emphasize one side more than the other. Language is mostly a left brain function, for instance.


The right hemisphere of the brain is usually associated with emotion in humans as well as primates, "suggesting an evolutionary continuity going back at least 30 to 40 million years" (Continuities in Emotion Lateralization in Human and Non-Human Primates - Annukka K. Lindell 2013).

Contact:  sowbinfo at

Disclaimer: the author is not a sex therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or neuroscientist, but once did some self-administered emergency dental work with a hobby grinder.